Raffi:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zhNtMu4nQg

Red Grammer:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNOyH5clHrw

Anyway, as most of you know I turn 24 tomorrow. It will be only my 2nd birthday way from my Mom if you can belive that and the very first birthday my dad won’t call or send a card which is very hard for me to comprehend. All I wish to do is hear his voice tomorrow and perhaps I will in my heart but not over the phone or get that little whiskery kiss. I know this whole month and the last couple have been very hard on myself and my family but I truly think tomorrow will be worse then Christmas was for me. Although, with my new computer from my wonderful husband, I was able to share gift opening with my family in video on Christmas day. But as was Thanksgiving, Christmas was just has hard for me to overcome. I just had to keep thinking to myself it was not a day for me but a day made for us through the birth of our Lord, Jesus.

Christmas Eve we went to our candlelight service at church with Jon’s cousin and his wife, and Ryan came along with us. It was a very nice service. I had let the boys open their gifts before we left…Jon was SO excited for his cowboy boots and even wore them to church! I stayed busy that day making breakfast and dinner for a couple of the guys again. They seemed to enjoy it.They all had fun opening gifts and playing video games all day long. I can’t wait for the playstation to be out of our house! Only a couple more days.

Christmas presents!!!!!!!Christmas Eve

_

Jon will have another 96 over this next weekend so he should get off tomorrow around 12 but you never know. I don’t think we have anything too special planned for my birthday but maybe we’ll go to dinner or something. I’m not too worried. We did however adopt some adorable kittens this last weekend to add to our Richer family. Their names are Belle and Maggie and they are absolutely adorable. Maggie is on the left and Belle on the right. They were somewhat my birthday gift but Jon knew I needed some kitten love! Unfortunately, Maggie has a little cold so I took her to the vet and hopefully everything will clear up. She is very mellow and sleepy unlike our other kitty who really loves to play! But the vet said she should get better in a couple days. I told Jon that God chose us to have these kittens because he knows that we will take care of them and love on them no matter their condition.

Kittens

Well, I think that’s all that is going on with us for now. I’ll try to post more often.  I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and a safe and happy New Year! Miss you.

With love…

Christmas Eve

In just half an hour, Florida time, my daddy will have been sent to his home in heaven a month ago. Sometimes I really can’t believe it. I find myself thinking some days that maybe I just haven’t talked to him for a couple of days or hours and try his cell phone but the only response I hear is him saying his name, “Kurt Rohde” and then it hits me…again. (soon that won’t even be available to hear…) I know that he has passed and is with our Lord in heaven but it is just so hard to want to recognize that thought. I think about my family all the time and think of how they are doing and dealing with all of this but am too afraid to bring it up because I don’t want to cause any more sadness than there needs to be. But then I think of my Daddy and the sadness overcomes me. I tear up every time I hear a Billy Joel song, but listen to it anyway and try to sing along through the tears. I tear up every time I see a card with a Basset Hound on it or anything that reminds me of dad. And I hold my pug close to me every night, just praying that he will come to me in a dream and to know he is looking down on us, as I know he is.

It is hard to believe that a month and a day ago, I was saying goodbye to my one and only Dad. I was holding his hand and kissing his head telling him how much I loved him and how I would take care of everyone… and now I can’t even feel him. I can’t tell him I love him and hear him say it back to me… I can’t blow him a kiss even thought I knew he didn’t always realize what he was doing, he still did it until about the last week…he blew those kisses right back to me. It kills me to have to go through the holidays without him but I know he is in a better place. I even tried to stay extra busy on Thanksgiving and made a bunch of food and stuff for Jon’s Marine buddies and his cousin but not all of them seemed to appreciate it and that killed me. It’s like it made that day 10x harder than it had to be. And of course, Jon and I have finally found a church we both really like but this last Sunday I had to actually walk out of the service because I was about to cry hysterically and would rather do it in the bathroom than in the sanctuary. I know it’s only going to get harder as the month progresses but I just can’t help to think I wish Dad could be here…

I’m sorry I don’t mean to just vent all of this out but I’m just speaking from the heart. I miss my dad. What I wouldn’t give to have him back in my life and just hear him say, Hi Meggie…one more time.

I hope you all are having a good holiday season. Please keep myself and my family in your prayers as we go through our first holiday without him and as always thank you for the kind messages. They mean so much to me. Miss you

With love…

Chris and I had planned to meet there on Saturday morning but Terri wanted to meet with us first to talk over some things. So we met her at Panera Bread around the corner. We talked about the previous day with all the seizures, etc. and then she had said that Dad never wanted us to see him this way. Now for those of you who don’t know my Dad, he is a very, very stubborn man, as most Rohde’s are. However, I do believe that his stubbornness has really carried him through this entire struggle and battle because this disease is absolutely overwhelming and he has stuck it out for so long.  Anyway, she had said that he wanted us to know that he was proud of us, and loved us very much. And that he spent too much time with other children and not enough with us…etc. I’m not going to go into the whole thing because I will cry. So carrying on…she also asked us if we could say goodbye and give dad permission to go. SO HARD! That was by far the most difficult thing I have ever, ever had to do…and I don’t even know if I really did. I sat there and held his hand and talked to him…told him I loved him and some other things. But I mean, how do you tell your Dad it’s OK to pass?

Anyway, we were there forever yesterday and I honestly didn’t want to leave. By the middle of the afternoon no one was able to touch him because it would agitate him too much and he would get restless again. So needless to say there was a lot…and I mean A LOT of crying yesterday and I’m positive there will be more to come. I miss my Daddy already. All I wanted to do was crawl in bed with him yesterday and hold him. I wanted to tell him everything was going to be alright and that we would all make it through this, including him. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t even touch him by the end of the night. I know everyone says that the man there wasn’t my Dad but I’m telling you yesterday, it was him…that was my Dad. I must go the tears are coming. Please everyone, pray for my Dad and my family…with love…

My Dad has Stage IV Metastatic Melonoma which has progressively gotten worse over the last year. It started on his skin a year before which then metastatized into his lungs, liver, stomach, brain, spine, etc. He has undergone several treatments including chemo, radiation, radiotherapy for the spine and brain, etc. However, just before I left for California we celebrated his 50th birthday. (9-15-08)  He was still doing okay during that time; just a bit agitated and shaky but nothing like he is now.

Before I left for CA, we met Dad and his wife Terri and my Uncle Tim for breakfast. I said goodbye to my dad at a cracker barrel off HWY 70..probably the hardest thing I had ever had to do so far. He hugged me as though he was going to see me in a couple days not as though we were saying “goodbye.” I was very surprised with myself as I did not cry like I had wanted to do. During the week of driving, he seemed to be okay most of the time when I spoke to him on the phone. He sometimes gets confused but it wasn’t too bad. Well once we made it to CA thats when it all began. I knew in the back of my mind and my heart that this would start to happen. That he would slowly start to fade…

Dad was admitted into the hospital the weekend I arrived in CA. He stayed for a few days for some tests and scans and then went home. Only a couple more days passed and he was addmitted into the DRC which is like the Moffitt Cancer Center Hosptial. He had been complaining about pain in his back from before I left saying it was just under his hip bones and that the skin on his head was hurting. I told him to be sure to tell his Dr. and that he did. My Mom went to go visit him one Friday evening and said he was doing pretty good…and even the pictures I received from my phone looked ok. Well that must have been a good day. They finally did a spinal MRI and there found new tumors (or masses as they like to call them) all around his spinal coloumn, in the spinal fluid, in the nerves and menigies at the base of your spine, as well as in the fluid surrounding the brain. The previous scans they did however did not show these masses and had shown only a little growth I believe in the other organs that the tumors had invaded over the year. No wonder he was in so much pain.

I say my dad is a fighter because he truly is. He has persevered throughout the entire process. From other studies on this horrible disease, it showed most patients only lived for 7 months after the dated of diagnosis…my daddy has gone just over a year. He took every medication, every treatment and every clinical trial with a proud stride. He always likes to use his cancer card when situations don’t go his way…but hey, whatever makes him feel better!

Unfortuantely, these last couple of weeks he hasn’t been doing as well as we all had hoped. He had been in DRC for 12 days where the doctors tried to regulate his pain medication and see what their next step was. They told him about the tumors in the spinal and brain fluids and suggested a surgery but this one was out of the question. He became very disoriented in the hospital, getting up out of bed several times and roaming the halls. Or pulling his IV out, or getting angry when anyone tried to help. He didn’t want to be treated like a child and he let them know it. ( That’s my dad!) When all this was happening, I stayed in CA with Jon by my side every second. It finally came to the point I needed to make a decision…if I ever wanted to see my dad coherent again, I should probably head down to FL and that I did. I arrived very late on the 21st and plan to be here until the 8th unless something happens. Dad has been home for about a week now on Hospice care. I see Dad on a regular basis, usually around lunch time since he is better when he sleeps more during the morning. Some days I just go and sit with Terri and some days he really tries to visit.  Sadly enough his anger and confusion gets the best of him most of the time and he seems to be hallucinating more now but it’s just the disease getting to him.

He really has been a fighter through all of this and I am so proud of him and proud to call him my Dad. I know we will all be okay eventually, it’s never easy losing someone you love. I truly wrote this blog for selfish reasons…just so I could talk about it and not cry since I’m typing and not talking. I appreciate all your prayers and thoughts, please keep them coming. These last couple of days have been very difficult for my family as the entire year has but these last couple days in particular. Please continue to keep my Dad and our family in  your prayers. I will continue to keep you posted as much as I can.

With love…

Aren’t they pretty?? The moving trailer was pretty much the size of our new nitro and not to mentioned completely full…every nook and cranny (thank you becky!)

Anyway, so we continued our trip, most of which was spent in Texas and we finally made it to California! It took a couple Marines to help unload the truck and a couple of days to get organized and unpacked some but my Mom and Lydia (Jon’s aunt…my new aunt) really did some amazing work! Exhausted of course…we still ended up having a great time. Here are some pictures in the house as well as on the pier in Oceanside. I hope you enjoyed the pictures! With love…

Seeing that I am finally able to read and keep up with all of your blogs, I felt that it was time to start one as well. This first blog will be simple as I am still getting used to the system but I will do my best! For those of you who are unaware, I married the most amazing man on June 22nd of 2008 in Venice, Florida. Jon is a LCpl in the United States Marine Corps and we are currently living in Fallbrook, CA which is just about a mile or so off of Camp Pendleton. As soon as I get back to CA, I’ll take some pictures of our home.

Jon and I have been dating since July 7th, 2006 where we met at his cousin Toby’s wedding. It was literally…  love at first sight. Jon couldn’t take his eyes off me! We finally scrounged up the courage to dance the last song, Over the rainbow, and the rest is history. Dating long distance the entire time, we finally tied the knot this last year. Happy and together at last we are now residing in CA where I am officially a Marine Wife! I have not been working however due to the conditions of my dad so that I could have some freedom when it came to visiting. I do however work around the house and cook at least dinner for Jon and myself, sometimes a couple more Marines, every evening. I have definitely become the little chef & baker I’d always wanted to be!

Anyone who is reading this is well aware of my Dad’s condition. He is now home and receiving Hospice. They try to keep him as comfortable as they possibly can but knowing my Dad, he gets agitated very quickly because he is understanding that he can’t do it all anymore and that would frustrate anyone! Anyway…another post…another time. Please just keep him and the rest of my family in your prayers. Just pray that he is comfortable & content in the days ahead. With love…